So, after finishing up with chemo, as well as the exercise re-hab program, things finally calmed down a little. For about 2 weeks. Now, with 2 surgeries coming up withing 2 weeks, things are starting to get hectic again.
Tomorrow at noon I will be getting my new and improved boobs. The nurse I saw at my pre-op appointment wanted me to know that with reconstruction, sometimes the boobs won't be perfectly symmetrical. Well honestly, my boobs have been anything BUT symmetrical for the last 8 years, so this will definitely be a major improvement in that area!!
The reconstruction is an outpatient procedure, so I should be home by dinner, and by then I'll be STARVING since I can't eat after 10 pm tonight!
The biggest piece of news I have, though, is kind of a toughie. On Tuesday, I received a call from my genetic counselor to tell me that although I don't have the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene, I do have the Chek2 gene mutation. According to the Myriad website (the lab that did the testing), "Women with mutations in the CHEK2 gene have an increased risk for breast cancer, sometimes at relatively young ages."
The really freaky part, though, is when it goes on to say, "A woman who has a CHEK2 mutation, and who has already had breast cancer, has a high risk of developing a second breast cancer within the next 5 to 25 years."
The Chek2 gene may also increase my risk for colon cancer as well, although there have not been enough studies done. Still, I'm planning on talking to my doc about getting a colonoscopy done sooner, rather than later!
The gene news wasn't the best news, but honestly, the fact that it answers the question about why I got it twice gives me an odd sort of peace. It's good information to have, though, because now I can go forward with an actual plan. Having the gene doesn't mean that I WILL get another kind of cancer...it just means my chances are a little higher than some other people. It does, however, give me a little more knowledge about my body than other people may have about their own, and maybe that will help me in the future. Knowledge is power, after all.
And now, some sad news. About a month ago, I made meatballs (this is not the sad part) for dinner. I took off my wedding ring because I needed to mush up the ground beef and other ingredients and didn't want to get my ring all gross (My engagement ring was not on my finger because my fingers were all swollen from all the steroids I was taking at the time). I didn't put my ring back on that evening. The next day, I looked for it on the counter, and I didn't see it. I looked all around the kitchen. I searched and searched. Over the last few weeks, I have just prayed that it would turn up in the laundry, or it would show up in the "junk drawer" or something...but no luck. So, I am bummed. On the positive side, though, my fingers are no longer swollen, so my engagement ring fits again!
So, I can't end on a sad note... so, here's some great news! My hair is really starting to grow! ...and my eyebrows are coming back!! Here's proof:
Ok--wish me luck tomorrow!! I'll report back soon!
Well, it's been awhile since I've written anything....mostly because there just hasn't been a whole lot that's happened! So, to sum up what's going on--
On November 20th, I will be going in for my reconstruction surgery. Dr. Capizzi feels fairly confident that he can go straight to the implant on the side that had the tissue expander fail. If he can't insert the implant, then he'll just replace the tissue expander...I am SO hoping that when I wake up from surgery that I have two new boobs!
Then, on December 1st, I will be having a hysterectomy. After talking with my oncologist as well as my OB, we all feel like that is the right way to go. For one, my body won't be producing any more estrogen (which is what fed the tumor both times). Second, there will be no chance of ovarian cancer, which is also linked with breast cancer.
Hopefully, all this means that by the end of 2015, this will all be behind me. I am truly ready to see 2015 go.
One thing I forgot about chemo and hair loss from the last time is that eyebrows and eyelashes are the last to go... And as of last week, my eyebrows are completely gone. My eyelashes are pretty sparse right now as well...
Now, if you look carefully, you can see little tiny wispys of hair! So, that's kind of exciting, don't you think!
Ok--well, it's Sunday night, and the laundry is still yet to be done, and the house needs a little straightening up before the week begins!
I am feeling better and better every day. My chemo days are slowly getting farther and farther away, and that makes me so happy. My fingers and feet are still pretty numb and tingly, but I have faith that that will slowly fade as well.
As many of you know, the October issue of Lake Norman Woman magazine came out, and although I knew I was going to be in the magazine, I had ZERO idea that I would be on the cover!!
Dane was the first to spot it on the news rack as we were leaving dinner at Casa Garcia! It was quite a shock!! Needless to say, Dane was on the phone with literally everyone in his contact list! Jake and Emma thought it was pretty darn exciting. They think I'm famous now! I tried to tell them that I'm not really famous...and it didn't really help that I was asked by at least 15 people for an autographed copy of the magazine! Anyway, here's a link to the magazine--I'm on page 33 for those who haven't seen the magazine yet! http://issuu.com/lakenormanwoman/docs/october2015_lknwlowres
As a side comment, my sister said, "Jen, do you realize that you're on the cover of a magazine because of your BOOBS?" I busted out laughing and then told her it wasn't that kind of magazine!
So today I met with my plastic surgeon to talk about the tissue expander replacement surgery. I was very excited to hear that he thinks that he may be able to just go ahead and put in the implants. He said he would like to try that, and if, during surgery, he doesn't think it will work, he will just replace the tissue exander as originally planned. So for all my prayer warriors...pray for stretchy, cooperative skin! Seriously! I would love to have one less surgery. I would love to basically be done with all this before the new year!!
On Thursday, I have an appointment with my oncologist. We're going to be talking about "what's next" as well... I have to do some sort of hormone therapy, since I am pre-menopausal, and estrogen helped "grow" my tumor. I think he's thinking some sort of monthly injection that basically shuts my ovaries down... Honestly, if that's the case, I almost wonder if it would just be better to remove my ovaries entirely. So, I guess that's what we'll be talking about on Thursday. Doesn't that sound like fun!?!
Finally, as many of you know, one of our students at our school was diagnosed with lymphoma today. Although the prognosis is excellent, it really sucks. My head is swirling with all kinds of emotions. Emma and I went to visit her in the hospital today, and I have to say, that she looks amazing. I know that she is going to be even stronger and more confident when she gets through this than she is right now. Her family is also going to be much stronger and closer together because of this.
...and now there are two families that will be glad to see 2015 get outta here.
Well, I can't end a blog post like this... so how about a joke? Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
After a little over 3 months, I have finally completed all 8 rounds of chemo. I'm not gonna lie, it's been tougher than I was really ready for. It was so different from the first time I had to do all this. But it doesn't matter anymore, because it's behind me! And I got this pretty awesome certificate to boot!
So right now, Dane is at the Panther's game, and the kids are hanging out with friends for the day. I am resting on the couch, watching Friends and going in and out of a nap. I'm feeling ok--exhausted but not really in pain right now. I'm hoping that the pain just doesn't come this last time around. I am not going to work on Monday. I'm going to give myself one more day to get my strength back.
So...now what? Well, in 2 weeks, I meet with both my oncologist and plastic surgeon again. With my oncologist, we will be talking about what type of hormone therapy I will need to do. With my plastic surgeon, we need to talk about when we are going to be able to replace the busted tissue expander.
So there's still a lot to do, but honestly, I think that the worst is behind me.
I thank you all for all of your thoughts, prayers, and support! I love you all!
I've written this post several times today, but I just can't get the wording right... Don't you hate when that happens?? I'll try again. Let's see how it goes...
So I've finished the 7th round of chemo. It was ok, I guess. Saturday evening and Sunday was pretty tough--again, lots of pain in my legs and ankles, and numbness in my feet and hands. Monday morning I went to work, only to get a sub after about 10 minutes of homeroom. I just didn't have the energy and was still pretty achy. I went home and slept until about 1:30...and then I had to go back to the dentist for my dang tooth...part 1 of my root canal.
The dentist went well--although I was in tears for much of the 30 minutes I was there. I was in tears not because I was in a lot of pain, but because I was truly just at the end of my rope. I hate to whine, but it really just doesn't seem fair that I have to deal with cancer AND a root canal. The poor hygienist felt so bad for me. At the end of the appointment, she told me that I may be sore and that they had a prescription for pain meds if I needed it. Guess what. I NEEDED it!! Wow! Around 6 or 7 pm, my mouth was in serious pain. So much pain, in fact, that I completely forgot about my leg pain. Go figure.
Every day since then I have felt better and better--both my lower body AND my mouth! My energy is continuing to improve every day. I have 1 more week to go before my LAST chemo treatment. I'm not sure if I've told you, but I. CANNOT WAIT. for my last treatment! Although, really, it's more like I cannot wait to feel better AFTER my last treatment!!
As I get closer and closer to this last treatment, I need to take a minute to thank Dane for being such an amazing husband and caretaker. Seriously, when I am not feeling up to it, he completely takes care of EVERYTHING. In fact, if I'm being honest, he takes care of a lot even when I'm feeling just fine!
In my Cancer Survivor's group, we talked this last Thursday about caretakers and how emotionally draining and stressful it can be. Caretakers are truly unsung heroes. Everyone always asks about the sick one, but much less often people ask about the caretaker is doing. I found out in my group that November is National Caretaker's month. I had no idea that there was such a thing, but I'm so glad that there is!
So, I'm still not completely happy with this post...but it's gonna have to do.
Today was my 7th round of chemo. Only one more to go after this one! I cannot explain how happy this truly makes me!
I met with Dr. Kuo. Let him know that my toes and the bottom of my feet are still a little "buzzy and numb" as well as the tips of two of my fingers on my right hand. He asked if I was tripping or falling, and I told him that yes, I am tripping over my feet, however, this is not an unusual occurrence for me... made him laugh a little.
Chemo went well...basically the same as the last two rounds. They give me a bag of fluids, then the benedryl, and then I pass out. At some point after that, they start the Taxol, but that part is all a little fuzzy. Then, about an hour later, I start to get woken up by needing to pee due to all the fluids they're giving me... I do that about 4 times. Unplugging that IV pump and dragging it into the bathroom that many times gets a little old. I've noticed that I am one of the only ones who seems to need to get up to pee, which is odd, because I can go all day in school and not go to the bathroom until 3:30...
Christy brought me to chemo today. We chatted a little bit with the other patients who were in there. When we left, she said, "You are seriously like the rock star in that room." Made me feel pretty good.
Once chemo was over, the real fun began... I am going to be one of 8 women featured in LKN Woman magazine in October, for breast cancer month... So today I had to go to Mooresville for a photo shoot. I am not kidding. I was in a photo shoot. I think she took 50-100 pictures... WAY outside of my comfort zone! She said that each of us would have a one-page spread. Whoa. Honestly, I have to admit that it was a little fun, but for those of you who really know me, you know that there was a part of me that felt completely ridiculous and wanted to run far, far away!! So...look for it in October!
Tomorrow I go back for my Neulasta shot and then hopefully I will be able to make up my exercise class that I missed today because I was still so drugged up on benedryl. I usually feel pretty good on Friday for the most part. By the evening I start to go downhill... Saturday and Sunday I am usually pretty achy (or in pain) and exhausted.... So I am likely signing off until Monday or Tuesday!
September 24 will be my last round of chemo. I WILL be celebrating once it's over and I'm feeling well again. I have not decided what I want to do yet... any ideas??
Thank you all for your prayers, positive thoughts, meals, help driving my kids, etc... I know that I would not be doing as well as I am without my amazing family and all of my amazing friends!!
Feeling pretty good today. Still have some aches in my hips and ankles, but it's better than it was this weekend or on Monday. Everyday gets a little bit better, until the next chemo brings me back down. I am continually grateful, however, that I usually get more than a full week of feeling good before my next round. Today is September 1st, and within this month I will be completely done with chemo. I cannot fully express how happy that makes me!!
A couple of weeks ago, my Aunt Carole and Uncle Jay celebrated their 50th anniversary, which is pretty amazing. My Aunt Pati came in with her grandson, Riley, all the way from Washington. I was super happy to see her, since it is not that often that we get to visit!! Aunt Pati is also a breast cancer survivor, so we got to talk a little about that. It's always nice to be able to talk with someone who has walked the same path as you. Anyway, she gave me a pair of "bosom buddies" breast forms, which are pretty amazing. I bought a new bra to put them in and wore them yesterday. It was strangely odd having boobs again! They looked quite real, and it was really nice to have a shirt fit properly again!
I am still going to my old folks/sick folks exercise classes. I really do love them. The other sick folks are super friendly, and the trainers and nurses there are wonderful. It's like exercise and counseling! Emma had to come one day last week, and she sat outside in the little lobby. She said I must have been having fun, because she heard me laughing "like, every 2 minutes." I always leave there feeling better than when I walked through the door...even when I'm feeling crummy from chemo.
Tomorrow I am going to a funeral. A life taken way too soon. It's a harsh reminder that life is short, and there is no guarantee that there will be a tomorrow. It's important to remember that so that you will make the most of every day. Don't let your day/week/lifetime be spent stressed out about unimportant things (and yes, the things we typically stress out about are almost all unimportant). Make the choice to be happy. Most importantly, tell the people who are important to you that you love them. Do that one right now. Call/text/email/visit someone and just tell them that you love them. I'm gonna do it as soon as I publish this post.
Love you guys! (This doesn't count...I'm gonna tell someone personally!)
Dane and I dropped the kids off at school this morning, had a nice breakfast together at Westlake, and then headed to the hospital to start chemo round #6.
We spent a few minutes talking with the doctor beforehand. I let him know how much pain I was in the weekend after the last round. Although he said that I exhibited "classic" symptoms, and that usually the 2nd round of Taxol is usually easier for most women, he did prescribe some pain medication for me to take for the weekend... Honestly, just having the pain meds makes me feel better...
Again, they started me off with an infusion of Ativan and Benedryl, which basically put me into a mild coma. Dane kept himself busy doing crosswords and watching terrible Netflix tv shows. Apparently what he was watching today was too embarrassing to tell me about... Afterwards, we had lunch, he dropped me off at home (and I continued my coma/nap), and then went to pick up the kids at school.
Overall, though, the Taxol round was WAY easier to handle than the first four rounds... The pain was awful, but it only lasted 2 days, whereas the nausea from the earlier rounds lingered for nearly the entire two weeks...
School has been really good. I have had a lot of fun with my students. On the down-side though, it is either my age or the chemo that is making it super difficult to learn all their names!! I've always been better at remembering faces than names, but this year it is ridiculous! I think out of the 103 students I have, I know 20 names for sure... I may need to make some masking tape name tags or something!!
Ok, I'm gonna head off to bed in a few minutes... Love you guys!
After crumbling into a thousand pieces last night, I finally got to sleep and got some much needed rest.
This morning, I got dressed for school and put on my pink wig. The pink wig really does help my attitude and outlook. It's pretty amazing really. As the day went on, I realized that I was feeling more and more positive, more and more happy. More and more like my normal self. It was good.
After school today, I came home and made pork chops and mashed potatoes for dinner...and it was delicious. Right now I'm sitting in the living room watching Jake play Mario Kart, while Emma finishes up her homework in the dining room. Dane is cramming for his 10K that he's supposed to run this weekend. Please pray that he doesn't fall down and die. I still need him around for a while. Besides, I still kinda like him.
Ok--I'm gonna go get ready for school tomorrow. Thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers. They're working.
I am not sure what the Perry family has done to really tick off the universe. But the universe is definitely not happy. The weekend began pretty okay--Emma and I had our school orientations, which both went well. Then we headed out to my Aunt and Uncle's 50th wedding anniversary party, which was lots of fun. Once we got home, however, the good times fell apart. Saturday night I did not sleep. I could not sleep. The pain in my hips, legs, and ankles wouldn't let me. I was in tears by morning. Dane brought me one of my steroid pills that is supposed to help, along with a Claritin (which is also supposed to help...odd, right?). It did provide some relief for about 3 hours. I was still achy during that time, but no pain. Unfortunately it only lasted a short while and then the pain was back. I couldn't take any other medications until the evening. I felt like the lady from Misery had hobbled my ankles.
Later that day, I cracked a tooth. My dentist isn't open on Mondays...I'm hoping to get an appointment for Tuesday...
Dane and the kids worked tirelessly to get the house and the van clean. They did a marvelous job. Truly they did.
As Dane was mowing the lawn, around 5 pm, he noticed that our outside sewer line was clogged and overflowing...again. Back to Lowe's to rent a sewer snake.
Finally, (as if all that other stuff isn't enough), I noticed that the tissue expander on my left side didn't seem to have the same volume and shape as it had earlier in the week... I called my plastic surgeon and he saw me today. Yes, the tissue expander has sprung a leak. It will have to be replaced, which cannot be done until I am one month done with chemo. That also means that I cannot have any expansions done for about a month after that surgery. Which means that the final surgery won't happen until after the new year...
This last one is tough. The body image issues I currently have, have been tough to deal with. It is difficult seeing yourself in the mirror and seeing two mammoth scars across your chest where your boobs once were. It is even tougher now with one tissue expander nearly fully inflated, while the other one is completely deflated. One side looks kind of "boob-like" while the other one is almost concave.
The breast reconstruction was supposed to be the silver lining in all of this. It still will be, I know. I just don't understand why this is all happening. My doctor said that this is just a little bump in the road. Well, excuse me if I'm a little pissy about another damn bump in the road. I feel like I (and my family) have handled all of this with a lot of poise, grace, and a positive attitude. I don't know how many more unexpected bumps I can take.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel...it's just moved a little farther away. We will still make it. We will get past this. It will all work out. I am sure of that. I am so thankful for the amazing support we have from our family and friends. All of your thoughts and prayers (and funny stories and jokes) are truly a blessing. We could not do this without you.
On a truly positive note, today my legs were not in any pain. I have had zero nausea with this new round of chemo. My kids had a wonderful first day of school. Jake said it was AMAZING and that he thinks that this is going to be the best year ever. Emma is super excited about all the new things happening in 5th grade. I had a good first day as well--I think I'm gonna love my students.
Thank you for coming to my pity-party. It's over now. I'm good. Seriously.
Wowzers. I feel like I was run over last night. My body aches. My skin hurts. I'm tired. Yesterday I was feeling so great! Last night I started feeling myself go downhill and I ended up going to bed around 9:30. I tossed and turned a lot last night, and each time I moved, I could feel every muscle and every bone moving.
We all got up this morning and headed to school for Emma's orientation. Dane had some stuff to get finished in his room, so he took Jake and I headed off to the elementary building with Emma. She's pretty pumped about her classes this year.
I enjoyed seeing all of the moms and dads and catching up, but I'm a little exhausted from it all. I did chat with one dad about whether or not he went to cub scouts with his son this summer or not...he said no, but that they had a great summer....as I walked away, I realized that I wasn't talking to who I thought I was talking to... He was so kind to just go with it, but now I'm super embarrassed! Anyway, I'm currently sitting in my classroom with the lights off and the door shut. I'm planning on resting a little bit as soon as I'm done with this post. The 6th grade orientation starts at 12:00, so I've got about an hour to chill.
The good news with all of this is that there has been no nausea! I cannot tell you how happy that makes me. Even though I am exhausted, sore, and achy, it is 1000% better than nausea!
I have been really dreading today all week. Monday was our first day of teacher workdays, and to be honest, I had a great time, and I was a little frustrated that I was going to miss today and tomorrow. What made it a little more stressful was that my mom was out of town (which also meant our dog, Daisy was home), Dane was out of town, it was the first week of workdays, and I had chemo.
Dane did a great job coordinating where/when the kids were going to go. My friend Valena was so wonderful to bring me to chemo today. All was well.
Well...not completely well. Last night I was completely by myself. I started feeling really anxious. I decided to try to go to bed a little earlier than usual (10:30). I played a little candy crush and went to bed. I had to get up at least 3 times last night to pee--anxiety?? I woke up at 7:00, but just could not force myself to get up and get ready. I just didn't want to go. So, I got up at the last possible moment (8:15) and was sorta ready by 8:30 when Valena showed up.
We stopped to get breakfast and then headed to the hospital. When it was my turn to head back to talk to the doctor, I took a deep breath and tried to fake being relaxed. Guess what...didn't work. As soon as I was behind those doors, I started crying... The Nurse practitioner came in and saw me and I laughed a little and apologized for crying before she even got here! I told her all about my nausea (and how so much of it is now mental). I told her about my (TMI ALERT--SKIP AHEAD IF YOU NEED TO) period was so completely out of control last time, using 10-12 tampons per day...and I was told that it would likely stop completely during chemo. I told her about my anxiety about the new chemo regimen.
She brought me a little relief by telling me that, just as I had researched, Taxol does not cause nausea in most people (still makes me a little worried). It can cause some bone pain, but I have medicine that I can take to help with that if necessary. I swear, I think I could take a lot of pain, as long as I didn't have the nausea to go with it. I wiped my tears, took some deep breaths, and headed to the chemo lounge. I picked out my fancy leather lounger and set up shop. We were there for 6 1/2 hours. There were several pre-meds that were given first--Nausea meds, Ativan, Benedryl. The benedryl and ativan pretty much knocked me out. Valena said I snored quite a bit. I'm not super proud of that, but I'm not super surprised about that either...
I came home and took a nap on the couch. At 8:00, I asked Dane to take me to the store to get some drinks and crackers so that I could have them near my bed in the morning just in case of nausea...
Right now it is 9:30pm. I am sleepy and will be ready for bed as soon as I get a shower. I will not be at school tomorrow because I have to go in for another Neulasta shot and some extra fluids. I am not feeling anxious. I am not feeling nauseous. Pray that it continues.
So, all in all, it's been a really good day--especially when you consider how I was feeling this morning!!
I will miss all my teacher friends tomorrow!! I am hoping to be able to come to Jake's open house tomorrow, but we'll see.
Thank you all for listening. Thanks for all of your emails, texts, and comments! It means so much to me!
Love you guys!
So, I meant to post this a few days ago... didn't want to keep you all worried about how I was feeling after my last post!! Things got a little busy though, and I just didn't make the time to write a new post. So sorry.
Last Wednesday, I was finally feeling much better, which was a good thing, because I had a bunch of Taxi-ing of kids to do... I went to my "old sick folks" exercise class in the morning, took Emma to a friend's house, dropped Jake off at his friend's house (he was headed for a 5 day camping trip in Georgia with his friend!). Then I had an appointment with Heather Thomas to get my pink wig cut into a more me-like style. Those of you who have seen the pics know how much of an amazing job she did!! For the few of you who didn't see it, here it is!
I am SO HAPPY with it! Anyway, about an hour after I got it done, I got a phone call from Emma that she wanted to stay the night with her friend...YES!! I called Dane and let him know that we were gonna have a date night, and that I was gonna wear my pink wig!
We started with dinner at Carrabba's, which was delicious. At the end of the meal, the waitress asked us if we wanted dessert. She and I had a little conversation about the caramel apple dessert and how good it looked, but that we were gonna go get ice cream later tonight... When she left, I looked at Dane, and he had an odd look on his face. He said, "I'm O.K." I was confused... "huh?" He repeated, "I'm O.K." I took a better look at him and realized that he was COMPLETELY DRENCHED! "What in the world happened??" Apparently, while the waitress and I were talking all hell broke loose, and I didn't even notice! He said that he grabbed his glass of ice and went to toss back the last few cubes of ice into his mouth...but he wasn't paying attention and picked up the full glass of water and tossed it back onto himself. OMG...I started laughing and could not stop. First of all, there were still water droplets still on his goatee. Second, there were small ice cubes still laying in the wrinkles of his shirt. Finally, the only part of him that was dry were the sleeves of his shirt! He was SO embarrassed, and I just could not stop laughing! We paid the bill and Dane made a bee-line for the door.
We decided that a great way for him to dry off was to go play putt-putt. While we were there, a teenage girl told me that she really liked my hair! Seriously? A teenager complimented me? Sweet!
From there we headed out to Birkdale, to shop a little and then get some ice cream. As we were walking through the parking lot, this cute 20-something cute guy said from across the street, "Hey! I really like your hair!" Seriously awesome! After walking around Barnes and Noble for a little while, we headed out the door. As we were leaving, a gal my age passed me and told me how much she liked my hair. I was truly in heaven. I have never received so many compliments from complete strangers! Felt pretty good.
Finally, we met up with the Hutchinson family at Kilwins. Did you all know that on Wednesdays Kilwin's has BOGO waffle cones?? Neither did I! Super!
It was an awesome date night.
I'm feeling so much better. My next chemo is on Thursday. I'm hopeful that this new "cocktail" is like everyone says and doesn't cause nausea.
Yes, you read that right... After a *not terrible* weekend, I thought that maybe this 4th round of chemo was going to be a little easier on me... Well, I was wrong...
Dane had to leave early this morning for soccer tryouts, a coach's meeting, and then CPR training... Emma was still in Winston-Salem being completely spoiled at "Nana Camp" and Jake needed me to take him to his 1/2 day camp, "Games, Games, Games." I woke up on an empty stomach. I tried to get something to snack on quickly, but no luck. I go running to the bathroom wretching. In between gags, I call to Jake to bring me a drink from the fridge. He is definitely freaked out. "Mom? Are you gonna be ok?" Ugh.
I get Jake out the door, stop at McD's for some breakfast and drop him off at camp. I instantly turn around and head back home. I am still not feeling well. I go upstairs and lay (lie?) down and try to sleep. My head hurts. My belly hurts. I am NOT going to make it to my exercise class today. I can't sleep due to complete misery, and I start to cry. I hate this. I hate this more than anything. This is SO MUCH HARDER than it was 7 years ago. My strength is crumbling.
It's time to go pick up Jake. I stop and pick up some crackers and a drink to snack on the way. We decide to go out to lunch, which I am hoping will help put the nausea to rest. We come home, Jake plays Wii, and I go to grab an Ativan to help relieve the nausea. I'm here to tell you that just opening up the pill bottle sent my stomach into overdrive and by the time I had a pill in my hand, I started wretching all over again. I threw the pill on the counter, grabbed a drink and headed back upstairs, trying to breathe calmly. Mind over matter, I try to tell myself...
Back in bed, and the tears start flowing again. I just don't want to do this. I'm pissed that I have to do this again. I'm scared to death. I sent Dane a text asking when he was going to be home. I just needed him to be home.
I think that one of the reasons this is so much harder than 7 years ago, is that the last time there was a definite "schedule." I did chemo on a Thursday, felt a little tired on Friday, slept all day Sat and Sun, and felt great on Mon. No nausea. This time, everything is so random. I don't know what to expect from day to day.
I am still hopeful that the next four rounds are different. Everyone keeps telling me that it should be easier. I am praying for that.
Tonight as I write this, I am definitely feeling better. I pray that tomorrow is a completely different day.
Love you guys.
P.S. I am too tired to proofread. If you find any errors, don't tell me. :)
I'm gonna tell you what....it's been a great week. I've felt great all week, and I have gotten so much done! My classroom is all set to go!
Tomorrow is a chemo day, and I have been dreading it for over a week now. Last time I had so much nausea and just thinking about chemo makes me a little nauseous right now. I know that the majority of the nausea is truly just in my head. Unfortunately, I don't know how to turn that part of my brain off--or even re-program it.
I have, however, tried to remind myself of all the silver linings of the situation in order to keep my positive outlook... Here they are:
1. I haven't had to shave ALL SUMMER. It's a pretty awesome thing, actually.
2. I am saving money on shampoo and conditioner! I use baby wipes to clean my head...
3. Doing my hair takes less than a second...
4. Tomorrow is my last round of chemo with Adrimyacin and Cytoxan (the stuff that makes me nauseous). The next four rounds use a drug that doesn't usually cause nausea.
5. The nausea always goes away. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.
Ok...that's good. I will update tomorrow maybe. As always, thanks for reading. Love you guys!
So, this third round was tough. Lots of nausea. Lots. Of. Nausea. On Monday, I had an appointment for my initial evaluation for the Strides to Strength program (I will explain in a moment...) I woke up at 7 am and was starving...and nauseous--kind of like morning sickness. I went downstairs and made some scrambled eggs and toasted a bagel. It was delicious. I felt marginally better. I picked up a People Magazine that my Aunt Liz gave me and read all about the Kennedy's nanny and all the pictures she took of the family. --and then I turned the page and started reading an article about a doctor who was falsely diagnosing people with cancer and administering chemotherapy...reading all the stories about chemo made my stomach start churning. I made a run for the bathroom in the nick of time.
I was able to get myself back together and then went to my appointment. The Strides to Strength program is for cardiac, pulmonary, and cancer patients. It is a 3 month health and fitness program for anyone in any part of their recovery. The classes are three days a week. It's pretty awesome, actually. Anyway, I had to go get evaluated--they checked my blood pressure and heart rate, and then had me walk for 6 minutes and then checked blood pressure and heart rate again. I did pretty well, and I started the actual program on Wednesday.
On Wednesday I went in for my first class. I worked one-on-one with "Brandon the Intern" who was probably 22 years old. He just graduated from East Carolina. I worked on three cardio machines while he monitored my heart rate. He said I was a rock star. I told him that it only seemed that way since I was the youngest patient in the gym by at least 25 years...
Today was the first day that I truly felt well all day. We went to school while Emma was at gymnastics. I worked in my room trying to get it set up. Usually our first few days are full of professional development stuff, so usually Thursday and Friday are "work in your room" days... Our teacher workday week will also be a chemo round, so I won't be at school at the end of the week.
Anyway, I'm so glad to be feeling better! I'm gonna make the most of this week!!
We had such a fun time on vacation. After each stop I was sad to go. I was sad that we didn't have more time to spend. Stupid cancer. I guess I could (and should) look at it as at least I got to go.
So, we had to leave Michigan on Tuesday, and we arrived home around 1:30am. The next morning, I sent Dane off with Emma to gymnastics, and I headed down to Charlotte for my echocardiogram. Unfortunately, I sent Emma to gymnastics on the wrong day, and my echocardiogram was actually scheduled at the Huntersville hospital. Grrr.... It all ended up ok--Emma got an extra day off to get ready for gymnastics, and I was able to get fit in at the Huntersville hospital.
Thursday I went in for my third round of chemo. An old friend from my Lake Norman Charter days, and a fellow survivor, picked me up and took me there. It was so good to catch up and also compare notes. Afterwards we went out to lunch at Verde, which was quite nice, and then she took me home.
Once I got home, I honestly don't remember much... I think I may have taken a nap. Yep...Dane just confirmed it. I came home and essentially passed out on the couch. The chemo exhaustion hit me harder and faster this time. I'm thinking that it was partially due to our crazy vacation the two weeks earlier...
I'm having some nausea again, which really sucks. I hate that feeling. Everyone hates that feeling.
Also, I thought that we were done with soccer when the world cup was over... Apparently not. What the heck is Concacaf Gold cup?
Today was another mellow day as Leah and Scott had to work
and we had time to explore Ann Arbor on our own.
We began at the Ann Arbor Hands-On Museum. In yet another
stroke of genius, this museum was so interactive. It explained so much of the
simple, everyday things we take for granted like a flushing toilet, magnets,
light bulbs, etc. I am not sure who had more fun, the kids or my geeky science
teacher of a wife. Either way, it was a great way to start a rainy morning.
After the museum we met Jen’s mom and her Aunt Liz downtown
for lunch at the Mongolian BBQ. If you have never had the pleasure of eating at
one of these joints it is a must do.
After lunch we had a few hours to kill and went window
shopping in downtown Ann Arbor. The best way I can describe the eclectic nature
of shopping Ann Arbor to my NC friends would be to think of a larger downtown
Asheville; so many different types of stores and items from all different
backgrounds and cultures. One of the cool features of downtown AA is that many
of the older shops and buildings have fairy doors on their outer facade. They
are each unique in their own way and people often leave various small items
outside the doors for the fairies (pennies, stickers, etc). Jake was instantly
obsessed with finding fairy doors at every shop we went to.
After shopping, we went to pick up Leah and headed back
downtown for an event I had in mind since well before the trip. Ann Arbor has
one of the nations #1 art fairs each summer (unfortunately it starts Wednesday)
but one of the fundraisers is a one mile race called the Dash for the Arts.
Although a mile sounds basic this is a very serious event that attracts racers
from all over the Midwest. The event began with the men’s elite class which had
about twenty runners. The men’s winner ran a 4:08 mile and the slowest of the
15 runners ran a 4:28. The men’s race was followed by the women’s elite class
(10 runners). The top woman ran a 4:42 and the slowest was a 5:08. All of these
runners were varsity collegiate athletes and some on pace for Olympics.
After watching such stunning performance, my goal was to not
fall down at the start and take out the other 750 runners in the event. Prior
to the race we gave Jake and Emma a challenge. If they broke 10:00 they got ten
dollars, if the beat me they got 20. Jake took the second part of this
challenge very seriously and shot out of the starting gate at a pace similar to
the men’s elite class. Due to his small stature he was able to dart through the
crowd much quicker than I was. Fortunately, I passed his wheezing ass around
the ¼ mile mark and left him in my dust. By the half mile mark I was wheezing
also, but happy that I was almost done. The finish line was amazing as the last
quarter of a mile was lined with people screaming for everybody. I finished in
8:09, Emma had a late surge that put her past Jake at an 8:53, and Jake ran a
9:07 and learned a great lesson about pacing while running. The cool part was
that every finisher got a hand-made ceramic medal from the arts council and a
beer (+21).
Jake at the start of the race...
Jake at the end of the race...
After the race we had some dinner and played trivia before
heading to the Townie Party in North University. If you don’t know what that
means we are not allowed to tell you, you don’t belong.
The night ended with the ceremonial shaving of my head by
Leah’s husband Scott. We had all decided that my scar had healed and would be
fine, which it was. It is a strange sensation to have a completely bald head
and I think it wigs Emma out.
Although we wish we could stay for many more days we head
back to North Carolina tomorrow and wouldn’t trade a minute of this experience
for all the money in the world.
It is always so much fun to see how happy Jen is back home
in Michigan; even if we never go in the winter and it is always 70-80 degrees
when we are there. It is a true family town with a great spirit and energy.
After a late start and brunch at the Coney Island Hot Dog,
we decided on a kayaking trip down the Huron River. It was an absolutely gorgeous day and we
rented four, two-man kayaks. Emma rode with Jen, Jake with me, Scott with Leah,
and their kids in a fourth. Everybody
was gung ho from the start as they have built a new section around the old dam
that is a cascades park. You use to have to get out and carry your boat around
the dam, but now you get to shoot down nine different small rapids that take
you around to the bottom. Jake and Emma thought this was the coolest thing they
had ever seen and mom and dad were pretty impressed too. All in all, the trip
took about 2 ½ and was simply beautiful. Even though the Huron runs right
through the middle of Ann Arbor, you felt like you were in the mountain
wilderness half the time.
After the cascades, we had to put in a little more work, but
nothing to over the top. I must say that I had to work a little harder because
my boat captain (Jake) decided we were not allowed to lose to anyone at any
point. I do not know where he gets this type of attitude from; it must be his
mother.
Emma reminds me of Mike Wazowski from Monsters Inc.
The night ended with some soccer, some wigs, and a wonderful grilled chicken dinner on the back porch in
temperatures that I will be begging for by the end of our first weekend back.
Despite all of the events, sights, and adventures we have had these last ten
days, sometimes just getting the time to catch up with old friends while
listening to music and drinking a cold beer can be the best of the best.
PS- Anyone looking to unload a two man kayak, we are now in
the market for one to use on the lake!
It was time to head back to the States today. We got off to
a slow start with a late breakfast, but I think the real issue was that nobody
wanted to leave. All of the kids exchanged emails and promised to be pen pals
(Okay, parents thought of Pen Pals and
the kids told us, “Wouldn’t it be easier to Skype). It was a hard morning for
Jen as she had to say goodbye to Delphine and Corinne, not really knowing when
we will see them again. I know I am game for Ottawa whenever and may even be
willing to hit up France in the future.
Once we got on the road, it was beginning to look like a
long haul. I had become grumpy at this point because I had not collected the
required Canadian souvenirs and we were
crossing the border that night. My only real gripe about Canada would have to
be the fact that you could not even tell they had just hosted the biggest
women’s soccer tournament in the world one week before. Not one sign, poster,
t-shirt, hat, etc. We never did find anything, but Canadian crap was abound
later in the day.
Around lunch, we stopped at a neat little dock side
restaurant on Lake Ontario. Although a minor, one hour stop, this was a big
deal for the Perry clan. After lunch we walked down to the lake and the kids
went swimming in the bare ass cold water. This means that we now have pictures
of all four of us swimming our standing in each of the five Great Lakes (Huron,
Ontario, Michigan, Superior and Erie). Not many southerners can say that- and
yes Jen, you are a southern girl now.
After our swim, it was back on the road to travel through
the barren stretches of Canada until we reached Niagara Falls. As most of you
probably know, Niagara Falls is in both Canada and the United States. One side
of the Falls is a beautiful National Park, the other is something similar to
the main strip at Myrtle Beach. I beat you can’t guess which is which. Wrong!
The Canadian side is the tourist trap and that was awesome because I needed
some maple leaves and moose gear.
We began our tour walking down the main strip looking at the
Falls and watching all of the tourist. We decided that since we didn’t know
when we would ever return, the boat ride into the Falls was a must. This seemed
like a great idea until after we purchased the tickets and Jake began to say he
was scared and didn’t want to go. After
a little coaxing and his safety poncho, he agreed to go if we stayed on the
bottom level of the boat. I am so glad he agreed as this was one of the true
Wonders of the World as far as I am concerned. As we travels within a couple
hundred feet of the base of the Falls, we were hammered with what felt like a
hurricane force rain storm. Fortunately, when we looked over at Jake he was
grinning ear to ear and was already asking if we could go again. Although
photography was tough we got a few good shots, including a full rainbow in
front of the Falls.
On a side note, any lunatic that would go over those things
in a barrel or tight rope across the top has a death wish. Having seen them in
person now, I can’t even imagine that idea coming into someone’s head unless
they were actually hoping to die.
Much to Jen’s chagrin, she knew
it was finally time to load up on cheap Canadian souvenirs for the kids (okay-
and me!). As we approached the first store, Jake had to pee. I told the ladies
to go in and we would find a restaurant. In a stroke of pure luck, the first
restaurant we reached was the Niagara Falls Brewery (No, I am not lying). As
Jake went to the bathroom, I inquired about purchasing a pint glass. The guy
said they were $12 (Canadian), but if you bought a beer they were half
off. Learning that a beer was only six
bucks, I quickly did my math and figured out I could get a glass for $12 or a
beer and a glass for $12. As one to never pass up a bargain, I am sure you can
figure out my choice. After my quick, refreshing drink, Jake and I rejoined the
girls and completed our shopping tour.
The last haul of the night took us through the boarder
check in Detroit and in to Ann Arbor and Jen’s best friend Leah’s house around
1:15 am. Exhausted, all we wanted to do was sleep. Naturally, that means we
drank beer until 3:30 then fell asleep.
After the exhaustion of Parc Omega, we decided to give the kids a morning
off. What this really means is they still got up at 9:00 am and swam in the
pool until we left at 3:00. It was a great time for Jen and Gail to relax on the porch and catch up with
Delphine and Corinne. I myself decided to go on a run. Knowing little about the
area I set out on a leisurely loop around the neighborhood. 6 ½ miles later and
a desperate emergency stop at the marina (like an oasis in the desert) I
returned and took Jen to lunch at The Royal Oak in Ottawa.
Around 3:00 we all loaded up and
headed into Ottawa proper to go to the Canadian Museum of Nature. Once again we
were not disappointed. Every museum we have visited on this trip has been an
intense and educational experience for both the adults and the kids. The
highlight of the Museum of Nature had to be an unexpected touring collection-
Animals Inside Out. For those of you who have seen the Body Worlds tour, you
will know where this is going, all else, stick with me it is a little graphic.
After a brief discussion we
decided it was a good learning experience for the kids and bought everyone a
ticket to Animals Inside Out. This is an exhibit where animals, all donated
after death, have been dissected in various states and displayed. What makes
this possible is a process called plasticizing, where they fill all the cells
with silicone. Some displays where just the skeleton, some just muscles, some
just nerves and some the entire animal. Although not a science geek, I have to
say this was one of the coolest museum exhibits I have ever seen. You really
had to think in order to process that you were looking at what was once a
living thing. The children were amazed and enjoyed the interactive skeletal
displays and answering the study guide questions they gave us at the entrance.
It truly covered from sharks, to mice, cats, horses, giraffes, camels and many
others. My favorite two, although gross, involved a horse head split in three
and a full camel whose neck and head were in three slices at three different
angles. As I type this, I am aware how horrifying it sounds, but it was truly
mesmerizing to view.
After we had our fill of animal
carcasses, we continued through the rest of the museum looking at the dioramic
displays of insects, birds, mammals, geology and dinosaurs. This museum rivaled anything we have been to
in New York, D.C., or otherwise in the interactive educations components for
the children. We had four hours in the museum and were running through at the
end in order to see everything. In hindsight, it was probably a full day trip,
but you can’t do everything. Jen mentioned several times that one trip to each
floor would cover one of her curriculum standards entirely.
With the museum taking until 20:00
(look I am European now) we were going to be hard pressed to get dinner and
make our final stop at the Parliament by 10:00. However, one must eat when the
Europeans want to try Burgers and Fries.
In lieu of a true experience and stopping at McDonald’s we went to a highly
recommended burger bar called “The Works.” The problem with “The Works” was
they offered 50 different burgers, 100 different ways and did not have a menu
in French nor did we have a waitress who was fluent. I would equate the
experience of our friends to that of going to The Cheesecake Factory and being
given a menu in Mandarin. It took quite a while to get through the ordering
process and although the food was delicious(especially my poutine- fires,
cheese curds and gravy), we had to be in front of Parliament for the light show
by 10:00. As Corinne and I were the assigned drivers, we ran the five blocks
back to the museum to get the cars. This is when my night got exciting.
To explain more, we were trying to
get to the Canadian Parliament to see the laser light show performed on the
building façade. Corinne is extremely proud of Canada and the life she has
there, despite being born in France- come hell or high water we were making
that show. As we left the parking deck
Corinne took off with me in tow. We zipped down the road, did an illegal U-turn
in a gas station, and picked our compatriots up in front of the restaurant at
9:53. With a ten minute ride through downtown ahead of us we weren’t going to
make it- or so I thought. Mind you I have no idea where I am our how to get
where we are going so my only hope is to latch on and follow Corinne at all
cost. After weaving through traffic, Corrine hit several “orange” lights that
were more red when I went through. When I commented later, she said she didn’t
expect me to follow so well. We agreed later that we could become a spy team in
a movie with that kind of skill. At 10:02 we unloaded our crew in front of
Parliament and went to find parking spaces. Corinne pointed me to a space and I
parked, jumped out, and she drove me back around to the show.
The show itself was amazingly well
done and covered the entire surface of the Parliament building. It covered the
history of Canada as a nation and it’s involvement both at home and
internationally. I fortunately made the last ten minutes of the show and was
blown away by the technical effects and the massive crowd gathered to watch. As
the final scenes passed and everyone sang “Oh Canada” I felt the
overwhelming
urge to find a hockey stick, some maple syrup and a Tim Hortons. Unfortunately,
Corrine found a parking space and joined us after the show was over.
The only down side of the night,
although it fits with Perry road trip tradition was the $100 parking ticket
that was waiting on my car when we returned.
Fortunately, we all said “Oh, well” and split the ticket amongst us in
true Canadian hospitality.
Okay, so it is hard to write a blog about what you did each
day when you do not stop moving until midnight and then hit the ground running
as soon as you get up. We apologize to those who were living vicariously
through the blog. Even though I am going to update each of the five missing
days as we drive back, I will be writing everything in the present tense as if
it occurred that day. I am an English teacher, so that is okay.
Today we left Ottawa in the morning for a town called
Montebello and a place called Parc Omega.
I was a little suspect on this venture because our host had explained it
to Jen and she told me it sounded like the Lazy 5 Ranch. For all my Charlotte
area peeps, I am not knocking the Lazy 5, but when you have traveled to another
country you want to experience new things. Well, all I can say is that we did.
Parc Omega is similar to the Lazy 5 Ranch in the way that Barry Bonds in
Pittsburgh is similar to Barry Bonds in San Francisco. Parc Omega looks like it
ate the Lazy 5 Ranch with a high level does of steroids for the other six
courses of its fine dining meal.
Corinne rushed us into the park just in time to catch the
tail end of the educational program at noon with a promise that we could see
the whole thing at 2:00 (great story about that later). From there we wandered
to the wolf and black bear enclosures for a quick lesson on the importance of
these animals and an opportunity to feed each, from a distance. It was amazing
to watch the animals interact with the trainers and for the kids to get an
opportunity to throw carrots and bread at the bears. What made it even more fun
was that both enclosures had babies in the enclosure with them who were
adorable.
That took us to the 2:00 show and the beginning of the up
close and personal fun. During the show they brought out several animals and
occasional needed participants to interact with them. Amandine was chosen first
from the group to race against the young warthog in the field. Things started
out well and good until Pumba (that was the Warthog) decided to undercut
Amandine and knock her over. Although Amandine was fine, Pumba proceeded to run out of the arena and into
the parking lot to look for snacks.
Emma was up next and was asked to stand on a bench enclosure
in the middle of the field and to look up in the trees searching for an animal.
Fortunately, after a few sentences and Emma just staring at her, the trainer
realized Emma knew no French and switched to English. As we had caught the tail end of the last
show, Emma thought she was looking for the falcon. When she could find nothing,
the trainer said to chant her name and she would come. This got Emma and the
entire crowd shouting for “Stinky” to come join us and looking in the trees.
This is when the trainer reached under the enclosure, grabbed the skunk and set
it next to Emma. The pictures do not do justice to her reaction when she looked
down, but she did pet it. As a “reward” she was allowed to choose one person
from the audience for the skunk to spray. Fortunately, Jake must have made her
mad that morning and I was spared as he was chosen. For those of you that know Jake, he can be
shy and I expected him to bail. However, he got up and joined. I don’t know if
he was frozen in fear or just so stupid that he was going to stand there and
let the skunk spray him but he stood the whole count to three as she lifted the
skunk’s tail. Fortunately, Stinky no
longer had those parts and everyone laughed. I wish she had hidden a water gun
in her pocket and squirted him, but alas she did not.
Mind you, all of this has occurred before we actually enter
the official part of the park that is so popular. From here it did take on Lazy
5 feel as we purchased our many bags of carrots and started to drive through
the trail. Everything changed when we got about 100 yards inside the fence line
and a enormous animal was standing in front of the van staring me down. Based
on his size and 10 point horns, it might have been a fair fight, but once we
rolled down the windows and stuck out a carrot he came around. It was fun to discover that no matter what
language you speak, when a giant horned mammal sticks his head through your
window and drools on you, we all make the same noise. This experience went on
for many miles with Wapitis, Caribou, Warthogs, etc- all with young in
tow. On a side note, Jen refused to
interact with the animals and sat firmly in the way back of the van with Gail.
They enjoyed the show, but were not willing to play the game.
Around 4:00 we stopped for lunch at the swinging ropes
bridges in the woods. Who would have guessed that while you were eating deer
would come right up to the table and join you. They were so friendly and would
even pose for a picture if you moved slowly enough and kept carrots nearby.
From lunch, we walked to the farm on the back of the park
and the kids got to feed rabbits, goats, horses and a variety of other barn
yard animals. This was a nice stop for the adults as we could watch from a
distance and sit down.
After driving a couple of miles back towards the entrance
through bison, musk ox, moose, and many more deer, we got to stop at the trout
pond and feed the enormous trout- that is until Leopol fell in the lake.
Fortunately, the Perry’s don’t keep a tidy van and we had a change of clothes
for him.
All in all we spent almost eight hours in the park and still
actually felt like we were rushing to get out before they locked the gates at
8:00. This is an experience the kids
won’t soon forget and they haven’t stopped talking about yet. If you are ever
in the Ontario province, this is a must do.
One more full day in Canada- what can we squeeze in.
