I have been really dreading today all week. Monday was our first day of teacher workdays, and to be honest, I had a great time, and I was a little frustrated that I was going to miss today and tomorrow. What made it a little more stressful was that my mom was out of town (which also meant our dog, Daisy was home), Dane was out of town, it was the first week of workdays, and I had chemo.
Dane did a great job coordinating where/when the kids were going to go. My friend Valena was so wonderful to bring me to chemo today. All was well.
Well...not completely well. Last night I was completely by myself. I started feeling really anxious. I decided to try to go to bed a little earlier than usual (10:30). I played a little candy crush and went to bed. I had to get up at least 3 times last night to pee--anxiety?? I woke up at 7:00, but just could not force myself to get up and get ready. I just didn't want to go. So, I got up at the last possible moment (8:15) and was sorta ready by 8:30 when Valena showed up.
We stopped to get breakfast and then headed to the hospital. When it was my turn to head back to talk to the doctor, I took a deep breath and tried to fake being relaxed. Guess what...didn't work. As soon as I was behind those doors, I started crying... The Nurse practitioner came in and saw me and I laughed a little and apologized for crying before she even got here! I told her all about my nausea (and how so much of it is now mental). I told her about my (TMI ALERT--SKIP AHEAD IF YOU NEED TO) period was so completely out of control last time, using 10-12 tampons per day...and I was told that it would likely stop completely during chemo. I told her about my anxiety about the new chemo regimen.
She brought me a little relief by telling me that, just as I had researched, Taxol does not cause nausea in most people (still makes me a little worried). It can cause some bone pain, but I have medicine that I can take to help with that if necessary. I swear, I think I could take a lot of pain, as long as I didn't have the nausea to go with it. I wiped my tears, took some deep breaths, and headed to the chemo lounge. I picked out my fancy leather lounger and set up shop. We were there for 6 1/2 hours. There were several pre-meds that were given first--Nausea meds, Ativan, Benedryl. The benedryl and ativan pretty much knocked me out. Valena said I snored quite a bit. I'm not super proud of that, but I'm not super surprised about that either...
I came home and took a nap on the couch. At 8:00, I asked Dane to take me to the store to get some drinks and crackers so that I could have them near my bed in the morning just in case of nausea...
Right now it is 9:30pm. I am sleepy and will be ready for bed as soon as I get a shower. I will not be at school tomorrow because I have to go in for another Neulasta shot and some extra fluids. I am not feeling anxious. I am not feeling nauseous. Pray that it continues.
So, all in all, it's been a really good day--especially when you consider how I was feeling this morning!!
I will miss all my teacher friends tomorrow!! I am hoping to be able to come to Jake's open house tomorrow, but we'll see.
Thank you all for listening. Thanks for all of your emails, texts, and comments! It means so much to me!
Love you guys!
Love you
ReplyDeleteHolly