Six Rounds Down, Two to Go!

Dane and I dropped the kids off at school this morning, had a nice breakfast together at Westlake, and then headed to the hospital to start chemo round #6.

We spent a few minutes talking with the doctor beforehand.  I let him know how much pain I was in the weekend after the last round.  Although he said that I exhibited "classic" symptoms, and that usually the 2nd round of Taxol is usually easier for most women, he did prescribe some pain medication for me to take for the weekend...  Honestly, just having the pain meds makes me feel better...

Again, they started me off with an infusion of Ativan and Benedryl, which basically put me into a mild coma.  Dane kept himself busy doing crosswords and watching terrible Netflix tv shows.  Apparently what he was watching today was too embarrassing to tell me about... Afterwards, we had lunch, he dropped me off at home (and I continued my coma/nap), and then went to pick up the kids at school.

Overall, though, the Taxol round was WAY easier to handle than the first four rounds... The pain was awful, but it only lasted 2 days, whereas the nausea from the earlier rounds lingered for nearly the entire two weeks...

School has been really good.  I have had a lot of fun with my students.  On the down-side though, it is either my age or the chemo that is making it super difficult to learn all their names!!  I've always been better at remembering faces than names, but this year it is ridiculous!  I think out of the 103 students I have, I know 20 names for sure...  I may need to make some masking tape name tags or something!!

Ok, I'm gonna head off to bed in a few minutes...  Love you guys!

A Brand New Day

After crumbling into a thousand pieces last night, I finally got to sleep and got some much needed rest.

This morning, I got dressed for school and put on my pink wig.  The pink wig really does help my attitude and outlook.  It's pretty amazing really.  As the day went on, I realized that I was feeling more and more positive, more and more happy.  More and more like my normal self.  It was good.

After school today, I came home and made pork chops and mashed potatoes for dinner...and it was delicious.  Right now I'm sitting in the living room watching Jake play Mario Kart, while Emma finishes up her homework in the dining room.  Dane is cramming for his 10K that he's supposed to run this weekend.  Please pray that he doesn't fall down and die.  I still need him around for a while.  Besides, I still kinda like him.

Ok--I'm gonna go get ready for school tomorrow.  Thank you for all of your thoughts and prayers.  They're working.

You Must Be Kidding Me...

I am not sure what the Perry family has done to really tick off the universe.  But the universe is definitely not happy.  The weekend began pretty okay--Emma and I had our school orientations, which both went well.  Then we headed out to my Aunt and Uncle's 50th wedding anniversary party, which was lots of fun.  Once we got home, however, the good times fell apart.  Saturday night I did not sleep.  I could not sleep.  The pain in my hips, legs, and ankles wouldn't let me.  I was in tears by morning.  Dane brought me one of my steroid pills that is supposed to help, along with a Claritin (which is also supposed to help...odd, right?).  It did provide some relief for about 3 hours.  I was still achy during that time, but no pain.  Unfortunately it only lasted a short while and then the pain was back.  I couldn't take any other medications until the evening.  I felt like the lady from Misery had hobbled my ankles.

Later that day, I cracked a tooth.  My dentist isn't open on Mondays...I'm hoping to get an appointment for Tuesday...

Dane and the kids worked tirelessly to get the house and the van clean.  They did a marvelous job.  Truly they did.

As Dane was mowing the lawn, around 5 pm, he noticed that our outside sewer line was clogged and overflowing...again.  Back to Lowe's to rent a sewer snake.

Finally, (as if all that other stuff isn't enough), I noticed that the tissue expander on my left side didn't seem to have the same volume and shape as it had earlier in the week...  I called my plastic surgeon and he saw me today.  Yes, the tissue expander has sprung a leak.  It will have to be replaced, which cannot be done until I am one month done with chemo.  That also means that I cannot have any expansions done for about a month after that surgery.  Which means that the final surgery won't happen until after the new year...

This last one is tough.  The body image issues I currently have, have been tough to deal with.  It is difficult seeing yourself in the mirror and seeing two mammoth scars across your chest where your boobs once were.  It is even tougher now with one tissue expander nearly fully inflated, while the other one is completely deflated.  One side looks kind of "boob-like" while the other one is almost concave.

The breast reconstruction was supposed to be the silver lining in all of this.  It still will be, I know.  I just don't understand why this is all happening.  My doctor said that this is just a little bump in the road.  Well, excuse me if I'm a little pissy about another damn bump in the road.  I feel like I (and my family) have handled all of this with a lot of poise, grace, and a positive attitude.  I don't know how many more unexpected bumps I can take.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel...it's just moved a little farther away.  We will still make it.  We will get past this.  It will all work out.  I am sure of that.  I am so thankful for the amazing support we have from our family and friends.  All of your thoughts and prayers (and funny stories and jokes) are truly a blessing.  We could not do this without you.

On a truly positive note, today my legs were not in any pain.  I have had zero nausea with this new round of chemo.  My kids had a wonderful first day of school.  Jake said it was AMAZING and that he thinks that this is going to be the best year ever.  Emma is super excited about all the new things happening in 5th grade.  I had a good first day as well--I think I'm gonna love my students.

Thank you for coming to my pity-party.  It's over now.  I'm good.  Seriously.

Love to you all.

Where'd That Mack Truck Come From?

Wowzers.  I feel like I was run over last night.  My body aches.  My skin hurts.  I'm tired.  Yesterday I was feeling so great!  Last night I started feeling myself go downhill and I ended up going to bed around 9:30.  I tossed and turned a lot last night, and each time I moved, I could feel every muscle and every bone moving.

We all got up this morning and headed to school for Emma's orientation.  Dane had some stuff to get finished in his room, so he took Jake and I headed off to the elementary building with Emma.  She's pretty pumped about her classes this year.

I enjoyed seeing all of the moms and dads and catching up, but I'm a little exhausted from it all.  I did chat with one dad about whether or not he went to cub scouts with his son this summer or not...he said no, but that they had a great summer....as I walked away, I realized that I wasn't talking to who I thought I was talking to...  He was so kind to just go with it, but now I'm super embarrassed!  Anyway, I'm currently sitting in my classroom with the lights off and the door shut.  I'm planning on resting a little bit as soon as I'm done with this post.  The 6th grade orientation starts at 12:00, so I've got about an hour to chill.

The good news with all of this is that there has been no nausea!  I cannot tell you how happy that makes me.  Even though I am exhausted, sore, and achy, it is 1000% better than nausea!

Ok.  Gotta go rest.

New Chemo Drug...New Expectations?

I have been really dreading today all week.  Monday was our first day of teacher workdays, and to be honest, I had a great time, and I was a little frustrated that I was going to miss today and tomorrow.  What made it a little more stressful was that my mom was out of town (which also meant our dog, Daisy was home), Dane was out of town, it was the first week of workdays, and I had chemo.
Dane did a great job coordinating where/when the kids were going to go.  My friend Valena was so wonderful to bring me to chemo today.  All was well.

Well...not completely well.  Last night I was completely by myself.  I started feeling really anxious.  I decided to try to go to bed a little earlier than usual (10:30).  I played a little candy crush and went to bed.  I had to get up at least 3 times last night to pee--anxiety??  I woke up at 7:00, but just could not force myself to get up and get ready.  I just didn't want to go.  So, I got up at the last possible moment (8:15) and was sorta ready by 8:30 when Valena showed up.

We stopped to get breakfast and then headed to the hospital.  When it was my turn to head back to talk to the doctor, I took a deep breath and tried to fake being relaxed.  Guess what...didn't work.  As soon as I was behind those doors, I started crying...  The Nurse practitioner came in and saw me and I laughed a little and apologized for crying before she even got here!  I told her all about my nausea (and how so much of it is now mental).  I told her about my (TMI ALERT--SKIP AHEAD IF YOU NEED TO) period was so completely out of control last time, using 10-12 tampons per day...and I was told that it would likely stop completely during chemo.  I told her about my anxiety about the new chemo regimen.

She brought me a little relief by telling me that, just as I had researched, Taxol does not cause nausea in most people (still makes me a little worried).  It can cause some bone pain, but I have medicine that I can take to help with that if necessary.  I swear, I think I could take a lot of pain, as long as I didn't have the nausea to go with it.  I wiped my tears, took some deep breaths, and headed to the chemo lounge.  I picked out my fancy leather lounger and set up shop.  We were there for 6 1/2 hours.  There were several pre-meds that were given first--Nausea meds, Ativan, Benedryl.  The benedryl and ativan pretty much knocked me out.  Valena said I snored quite a bit.  I'm not super proud of that, but I'm not super surprised about that either...

I came home and took a nap on the couch.  At 8:00, I asked Dane to take me to the store to get some drinks and crackers so that I could have them near my bed in the morning just in case of nausea...

Right now it is 9:30pm.  I am sleepy and will be ready for bed as soon as I get a shower.  I will not be at school tomorrow because I have to go in for another Neulasta shot and some extra fluids.  I am not feeling anxious.  I am not feeling nauseous.  Pray that it continues.

So, all in all, it's been a really good day--especially when you consider how I was feeling this morning!!

I will miss all my teacher friends tomorrow!!  I am hoping to be able to come to Jake's open house tomorrow, but we'll see.

Thank you all for listening.  Thanks for all of your emails, texts, and comments!  It means so much to me!
Love you guys!

A Whole New Woman!

So, I meant to post this a few days ago...  didn't want to keep you all worried about how I was feeling after my last post!!  Things got a little busy though, and I just didn't make the time to write a new post.  So sorry.

Last Wednesday, I was finally feeling much better, which was a good thing, because I had a bunch of Taxi-ing of kids to do...    I went to my "old sick folks" exercise class in the morning, took Emma to a friend's house, dropped Jake off at his friend's house (he was headed for a 5 day camping trip in Georgia with his friend!).  Then I had an appointment with Heather Thomas to get my pink wig cut into a more me-like style.  Those of you who have seen the pics know how much of an amazing job she did!!  For the few of you who didn't see it, here it is!

I am SO HAPPY with it!  Anyway, about an hour after I got it done, I got a phone call from Emma that she wanted to stay the night with her friend...YES!!  I called Dane and let him know that we were gonna have a date night, and that I was gonna wear my pink wig!

We started with dinner at Carrabba's, which was delicious.  At the end of the meal, the waitress asked us if we wanted dessert.  She and I had a little conversation about the caramel apple dessert and how good it looked, but that we were gonna go get ice cream later tonight...  When she left, I looked at Dane, and he had an odd look on his face.  He said, "I'm O.K."  I was confused...  "huh?"  He repeated, "I'm O.K."  I took a better look at him and realized that he was COMPLETELY DRENCHED!  "What in the world happened??"  Apparently, while the waitress and I were talking all hell broke loose, and I didn't even notice!  He said that he grabbed his glass of ice and went to toss back the last few cubes of ice into his mouth...but he wasn't paying attention and picked up the full glass of water and tossed it back onto himself.  OMG...I started laughing and could not stop.  First of all, there were still water droplets still on his goatee.  Second, there were small ice cubes still laying in the wrinkles of his shirt.  Finally, the only part of him that was dry were the sleeves of his shirt!  He was SO embarrassed, and I just could not stop laughing!  We paid the bill and Dane made a bee-line for the door.

We decided that a great way for him to dry off was to go play putt-putt.  While we were there, a teenage girl told me that she really liked my hair!  Seriously?  A teenager complimented me?  Sweet!

From there we headed out to Birkdale, to shop a little and then get some ice cream.  As we were walking through the parking lot, this cute 20-something cute guy said from across the street, "Hey!  I really like your hair!"  Seriously awesome!  After walking around Barnes and Noble for a little while, we headed out the door.  As we were leaving, a gal my age passed me and told me how much she liked my hair.  I was truly in heaven.  I have never received so many compliments from complete strangers!  Felt pretty good.

Finally, we met up with the Hutchinson family at Kilwins.  Did you all know that on Wednesdays Kilwin's has BOGO waffle cones??  Neither did I!  Super!

It was an awesome date night.

I'm feeling so much better.  My next chemo is on Thursday.  I'm hopeful that this new "cocktail" is like everyone says and doesn't cause nausea.

I will keep you all posted!  Love you guys!

Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Yes, you read that right...  After a *not terrible* weekend, I thought that maybe this 4th round of chemo was going to be a little easier on me...  Well, I was wrong...

Dane had to leave early this morning for soccer tryouts, a coach's meeting, and then CPR training...  Emma was still in Winston-Salem being completely spoiled at "Nana Camp" and Jake needed me to take him to his 1/2 day camp, "Games, Games, Games."  I woke up on an empty stomach.  I tried to get something to snack on quickly, but no luck.  I go running to the bathroom wretching.  In between gags, I call to Jake to bring me a drink from the fridge.  He is definitely freaked out.  "Mom?  Are you gonna be ok?"  Ugh.

I get Jake out the door, stop at McD's for some breakfast and drop him off at camp.  I instantly turn around and head back home.  I am still not feeling well.  I go upstairs and lay (lie?) down and try to sleep.  My head hurts.  My belly hurts.  I am NOT going to make it to my exercise class today.  I can't sleep due to complete misery, and I start to cry.  I hate this.  I hate this more than anything.  This is SO MUCH HARDER than it was 7 years ago.  My strength is crumbling.

It's time to go pick up Jake.  I stop and pick up some crackers and a drink to snack on the way.  We decide to go out to lunch, which I am hoping will help put the nausea to rest.  We come home, Jake plays Wii, and I go to grab an Ativan to help relieve the nausea.  I'm here to tell you that just opening up the pill bottle sent my stomach into overdrive and by the time I had a pill in my hand, I started wretching all over again.  I threw the pill on the counter, grabbed a drink and headed back upstairs, trying to breathe calmly.  Mind over matter, I try to tell myself...

Back in bed, and the tears start flowing again.  I just don't want to do this.  I'm pissed that I have to do this again.  I'm scared to death.  I sent Dane a text asking when he was going to be home.  I just needed him to be home.

I think that one of the reasons this is so much harder than 7 years ago, is that the last time there was a definite "schedule."  I did chemo on a Thursday, felt a little tired on Friday, slept all day Sat and Sun, and felt great on Mon.  No nausea.  This time, everything is so random.  I don't know what to expect from day to day.

I am still hopeful that the next four rounds are different.  Everyone keeps telling me that it should be easier.  I am praying for that.

Tonight as I write this, I am definitely feeling better.  I pray that tomorrow is a completely different day.

Love you guys.

P.S.  I am too tired to proofread.  If you find any errors, don't tell me.  :)