Holy Expansion, Batman! (WARNING...Not terribly graphic, but not for the squeamish)

Well, first I need to say that today was a great day--other than some mild nausea this morning, I have felt really good all day!  Whew!  I know that I didn't do myself any favors by not making myself drink lots of liquids this weekend.  I'm sure that dehydration amplified the headaches, muscle aches, and nausea.  I will try better next time.

This morning we got Jake to swim practice, Emma to dance camp, and then headed back to Birkdale for my first "expansion" appointment with the plastic surgeon.  I was feeling pretty apprehensive and a little anxious about the whole thing, and let me tell you why...  First, the nurse has to find the port on each of the tissue expanders--essentially pouches that will be slowly filled up with fluid to help stretch my skin and muscles.  Then, she pokes a needle into it and pushes a giant syringe filled with saline into the expander.  Now, I can tell you that for the most part, the place on my chest where my boobs once were is pretty numb.  I can feel pressure, but for the most part, I don't feel much.  Regardless, the thought of that needle being stuck in what was once a very sensitive spot, made me a little anxious...

Abby, my nurse was fantastic.  I can honestly say that I truly didn't feel a thing, although my toes did curl up when she was poking that needle through.  When she started pushing that saline through the syringe, I could literally see my boob growing.  Very weird, indeed.  I had to look away at the end though, because I didn't want to see what (if any) kind of fluid would be coming out once the needle was removed.

Everything went well.  Both boobs got 60 cc's of saline.  I was prepared to be sore afterwards, but I haven't noticed any soreness yet.  So far, this has been the easiest of all of the procedures I've been through so far!

A few weeks ago I realized another benefit to the reconstruction...  When I had boobs, I wasn't able to see my belly when I was standing or sitting...  Now that my boobs are basically non-existent, I see my belly all the time and I don't like it.  Don't get me wrong, I am still focused on losing the rest of the weight - although chemo will definitely slow me down in this endeavor...  I just wish I had a little more boob to camouflage the belly for right now...  The spare tire below the flat chest is just a little (pardon the pun) deflating...

Goodnight!

Jen

Turning the corner...

My first round of chemo was on Thursday.  I honestly can't remember at this very moment if I've already mentioned that in my blog...

It's all coming back to me...  It's odd really.  It's been over 7 years since I did chemo last, and although I felt like I remembered it all, I really didn't.  It's kind of like how a mom feels after giving birth to her first-born...  You remember that it was scary, painful, but amazing.  When the second baby comes, and you feel that first contraction, you realize that you've "dumbed-down" your original memories.

That's how I felt on Saturday.  My head hurt.  My muscles hurt.  My skin hurt.  I was fighting nausea all day long.  I needed to drink lots of fluids, but I really didn't want to.  Nothing tastes as good as I want it to.  I couldn't get comfortable.  I slept on and off all day.

Today got better and better as the day went on.  I felt less and less achy.  I was able to eat and drink a little more.  Hopefully tomorrow will be back to "normal-ish."

So, if I use this round as my blueprint, it looks like days 3 and 4 are the toughest.  July 2nd will be round #2.

In other news...tomorrow is my first "expansion" appointment with my plastic surgeon.  I have no idea what to expect...  I'm a little nervous.  Not sure if I should research anything tonight or not...

Ok...  time for a zofran and a diet dr. pepper (caffeine free).

G'night!

Jen

Haircuts, Wigs, and Hats, Oh My!

Yesterday, the kids and I all got a much needed trim.  I wanted shorter hair because it will just be easier to manage when it all comes falling out...  It's too bad that I really like my new hair cut, because it's going to be all gone in 2 weeks or so!

Mom & Jake...

Mom, Goofy Jake, and a Photo-bomber...

Just Mom...  no glasses.

Blond wig tucked behind my ears...

Blond Wig a little more tousled...  I'm suppressing a giggle...odd being in blond hair!

Yep...  This is the pink wig.  So crazy.

Hat #1  

Hat #2...  Not sure how these floppy ones are supposed to work!  I feel a little like the Flying Nun...

Hat #3

Hat #4 - Fancy band and a great monogram on the front!

Hat #5

So...  there you have it.  I'm working on my earring collection...  I now have 4 sets of dangly earrings.  

Nothing serious to talk about today.  The last two posts had enough teary eyes.  I'm done with all that (for now).  

Thank you all for your continued support!  The prayers, the positive thoughts, the texts, the visits, the food (oh my goodness all the delicious food!), and the donations thru Gayla's massage raffle, the Sports Page dinner, and the Go Fund Me page.  We are so Blessed, Honored, and Happy to have all of you in our lives!

Jen

AC Chemo #1 down, 3 ACs to go!

Ok, so first of all I should say that AC stands for Adriamycin and Cytoxan (the two chemo drugs I am currently taking).  After the amazing trip to the mountains, we returned home to realize that we weren't nearly as ready for chemo today as we thought.

Last night I realized at 11:00 pm that we had not filled the anti-nausea meds.  Bad.  Bad.  Bad.  So, Dane and I headed out to the 24-hr CVS pharmacy.  When the pharmacist asked if I had any questions, I realized that I did, in fact, have a question...  I did not know when to take the meds... Do I take them pro-actively or do I wait until I feel the tiniest bit nauseated?  He said that for chemo I should take one before bed and then another before chemo.  Ok.  Whew.  Answers.

So, we stopped at Harris Teeter, picked up a watermelon and an apple (wanted them cut up and brought with us for chemo).  Cold, cut-up fruit helps cut the metallic taste that starts in your mouth.  It also helps cut down on the possibility of mouth sores because of the coldness (although popsicles help really nicely too!!).

I didn't go to bed until around 2:00 am.  No one is surprised by that, I'm sure!

So, this morning, we go up, got dressed, and packed up some magazines, the computer, etc...  Dane's mom cut up the fruit and put it in tupperware!  Yay!  Of course, I was running a little late (5 hours of sleep is no bueno), so we got a quick breakfast at McD's.  I was wound up a little tightly and found several reasons to get really bent out of shape--I couldn't immediately find the butter, syrup, and utensils for my pancakes.  The car in front of us in the drive-thru was SO SLOW and NOT PAYING ATTENTION.  ...And at least 2 more things, but I've already blocked them out of my memory.

We were taken back almost immediately and chatted with the Nurse Practitioner.  She seriously said three words before I broke down in tears...  My God, I was just mortified, but I could not help it.  She was very kind and let me just cry.  When I was ready, she gave me a run-down of what was going to happen today.  She also asked me if I would like to have some Ativan (an anxiety med), which I thought sounded like a marvelous idea.  I mentioned to her that I had already taken the anti-nausea meds, and she explained that they now put those meds in the solution bags and you get it through the IV, so the actual pills are only an "as needed" thing.  Anyway, once my doc came in, he explained that he would have the nurses NOT put in the anti-nausea meds this time.  He told me to take another pill, and that should work as well as the IV method...

Chemo takes a long time...  First, they have to take some blood and run your numbers to be sure that certain categories are within the acceptable range.  Mine were just fine.
Then she put in the Ativan (ahhhh....)  And then they put in Decadron (a steroid) and then finally they began the Adriamycin and Cytoxan).  I took a good 45 minute nap somewhere in all of that...
We were there for about 3 1/2 -4 hours.

We ate lunch, and then headed home for a nap (ahhhh...)  Took the kids to their swim meet (they did great!) and brought our dinner from the Manion's with us to eat while we were there.

I tried to get in a small walk after we came home, but it was shortened even more than I planned to walk because of some small pop-up showers...

The day started out mostly hectic and chaotic, and tense, but it ended up much calmer and happier.  I'm enjoying an episode of Big Bang Theory and listening/watching the thunder and lightning.  Emma is at Grammy's house.  Jake and Dane are both asleep.

All is well.

Relaxing in the mountains...Chemo starts Thursday.

Dane surprised me with a wonderful three days in the mountains!  We stayed in a friend's place in Seven Devils with a gorgeous view of Grandfather Mountain!  We left the kids at home with Nana (hooray!) and drove up on Monday morning.  We went to Grandfather Mountain (I've never been) and hiked some of the trails, checked out the little zoo, and yes, walked over the swinging bridge.  Dane took a TON of pictures, but they are on his phone, and we haven't had a chance to upload them to the computer!

We also did some shopping, played some trivia, and ate at some of our favorite restaurants.  The weather was perfect...mid-eighties every day with sunshine and a wonderful breeze...  After hearing about the 100 degree weather here in Charlotte, I can tell you that we were not super excited about coming home!

Last night I didn't sleep so well.  Lots of thoughts swirling around in my head.  This morning we slept in until at least 10:30.  Dane asked me how I was doing, and I broke down a little bit.  I really just needed a moment to cry.  It was a little bit of an uglier cry than I care to admit.  Needed a couple of tissues.  I felt (and still feel a little bit) like Grover did in the book, The Monster at the End of This Book.  Every day, every hour, I get closer and closer to chemo.  I am a little afraid of going through this again, but I know that once I get started it won't be all that bad.

Chemo starts around 9:15 tomorrow.  I don't really know how long the whole thing will last, but I'm planning on 2-4 hours...  Dane will be there with me.  The kids will be at home with my mom.  Later tomorrow the kids have their mock swim meet and I am hoping to go.  I am hoping that this go-round will mimic my last go-round in terms of when I was feeling weak and exhausted (which usually started 24-36 hours after chemo and lasted for 2 days or so...).

Ok...  It's almost 11 pm.  I need to gather up my bag of puzzles, books, snacks, etc...

Love you all!

Jen

The doctor called...

Yesterday at dinner, I got a call from a number I didn't recognize.  Normally I don't answer those, but these days I get so many calls from health care people I feel like I need to answer those strange phone numbers...

Anyway, it was Dr. Kuo, (pronounced "kwo", rhymes with so), my oncologist.  He called because he just got the results of the Oncotype DX test.  This is the test we were hoping to get the results from when we had our appointment on Tuesday.  Dr. Kuo said that the score that came back was a 21, which was a little higher than my last experience with the test.  Here's what the score means (from the breastcancer.org website):

Oncotype DX test results assign a Recurrence Score — a number between 0 and 100 — to the early-stage breast cancer or DCIS. You and your doctor can use the following ranges to interpret your results:

• Recurrence Score lower than 18: The cancer or DCIS has a low risk of recurrence. The benefit of chemotherapy for early-stage breast cancer or radiation therapy for DCIS is likely to be small and will not outweigh the risks of side effects.
• Recurrence Score between 18 and 31: The cancer or DCIS has an intermediate risk of recurrence. It’s unclear whether the benefits of chemotherapy for early-stage breast cancer or radiation therapy for DCIS outweigh the risks of side effects.
• Recurrence Score greater than 31: The cancer or DCIS has a high risk of recurrence, and the benefits of chemotherapy for early-stage breast cancer or radiation therapy for DCIS are likely to be greater than the risks of side effects.

So...  I scored just barely in the "intermediate risk" category...  It's unclear whether the benefits of chemo outweigh the risks/side effects....  Awesome.

So, how do I not do it?  It's possible that the benefits could outweigh the risks.  If I didn't do it, I would always worry and wonder if I did everything I could to keep cancer away. (Also, I won't have to shave for at least a year!!  Silver linings...)

On the other hand, it's also possible that the risks outweigh the benefits.  Adrimyacin is one of the chemo drugs I'll take, and it can be a little tough on the heart.  What if I am trading my cancer for heart issues?

ugh.

So, I start my first round of chemo on June 18th.  I need to find some fun, summery, wide-brimmed hats.  Any ideas on where to go for that??

As far as the surgery goes, I'm healing pretty well.  I'm getting a pretty good range of motion going in my arms and shoulders.  I've started driving again--and it is truly surprising how much of your chest muscles you use steering.  I feel every single one of them when I have to make a sharp turn!

Dane has been amazing, as I knew he would be.  I know that he is feeling the stress start to build up though.  I really do feel like the caregivers, family members sometimes have it the hardest.

Love you all.  Thank you for being there for our family!

Not sure what to title this one...

It's been a little while since I've posted...  I'm going to probably ramble quite a bit.  Sorry about that...

I've been healing nicely.  I've been trying to get my walking in, and some days I'm more successful than others.  I usually feel really good in the mornings, and then in the afternoon a wave of exhaustion comes over me.  I know that it shouldn't be a surprise, but it is.  Of course, all my doctors and nurses are very happy with how I'm doing.

On Monday, I got the last of the drains removed, which made me SO HAPPY!  The drains made taking a shower, getting dressed, and general activities so much trickier.  I was glad to see it go!
My next appointment with Dr. Capizzi (the plastic surgeon) will be June 22nd for my first "expansion."  Should be interesting...  Will definitely keep you posted on this!

This morning, I had an appointment with Dr. Kuo, my oncologist.  The Oncotype DX test results were not in yet (grrr!) so we still did not make a definitive decision on chemotherapy yet.  We did, though, make a chemotherapy plan because it is more likely that I will need to do it than not.  If the results come back saying that chemo is necessary, then I will start my first round on June 18 with Adriamycin and Cytoxan.  I will go every two weeks for 8 weeks.  After that, I will have a choice--which is where it gets a little tricky.

Choice #1 will be Taxol at the regular dose every 2 weeks for 8 weeks.
Choice #2 is also Taxol, but a much lower dose, weekly, for 12 weeks...

So...want to know the reason for the choices??  Here you go:  Last time I had chemo, one of the drugs I was given was Taxotere.  After the second round, I developed an allergy to it (which was not pretty...  just trust me on this).  Taxol is related to Taxotere, so there is a possibility that I could have an allergic reaction to it as well.  Choice #2 is slightly less likely to cause the reaction.
Both choices have a similar effectiveness...in fact, choice #2 is slightly more effective (by less than 1 percentage point) than choice #1

Although the final decision about chemo has yet to be made, I have a strong feeling that I will have to do it.  I know that I can do it, but really, I just want to sit and cry a little about it.  I may do that later tonight.  Right now I have to go with Dane and pick up the kids, take them to swim practice, hand them over to Grammy.  Once Grammy has the kiddos, we're going to Big Al's to play trivia.

Love all you guys.  I can feel all your happy thoughts and prayers.  Keep 'em coming.

Jen